Bana Mwesige was 12 years old when he joined the church choir. Singing was his sanctuary. But now, at 28, Bana can’t bring himself to sing gospel anymore. It’s not his faith in God that has wavered, it’s his faith in the church. When his pastor tried to ‘cure’ him from what needed no curing, Bana felt something inside of him break.
Bana Mwesige was raised in a religious family. Like almost 85% of the Ugandan population, he’s a Christian. Growing up, his mom and siblings were devout followers of the Anglican faith and Bana went to church because it was expected of him. It was only when he joined the church choir at 12 years old that he felt a connection to God.
But now, at the age of 28, Bana can’t bring himself to sing gospel anymore. It’s not his faith in God that has wavered, it’s his faith in the church. Ten years ago, Bana went through “conversion therapy” with his pastor. It destroyed Bana’s relationship with the church and took the joy out of singing.
In the Radio Workshop podcast episode Unholy Treatment, Bana speaks about his experience in conversion therapy 10 years ago, and how the Anti-Homosexuality Act 2023 is emboldening pastors to reinstate conversion therapy practices.
Bana attended a Christian school in Uganda. He was a student leader, an academic high achiever and took part in sports. But he knew he was different. He couldn’t understand why boys didn’t talk about having crushes on other boys the same way they spoke about girls. As curious as he was, he didn’t dare ask others if they felt the same. Bana explained: “Even people who are not queer are stigmatised for the way they look, if they are feminine or if just their body looks different. The society we live in somehow trains you to stigmatise people.”
Eventually, Bana found out he wasn’t the only one who was queer. Just as he was getting comfortable with his sexuality, one of his friends was outed, and then Bana himself was suspected of being gay. This set off a series of actions that ultimately landed Bana in a camp for “at-risk youths”.
No matter how much Bana protested and denied being queer, his family wanted to prove to his school and church that he wasn’t. So they started finding measures of proof. First, Bana was sent to a doctor for a “sexual activity examination”. Human Rights Watch calls these examinations a form of sexual assault. When that wasn’t enough, they consulted a priest who claimed he could “cure” Bana. The priest suggested that Bana join him for one-on-one sessions and that he attend camp during the school holidays.
Bana attended these camps every school holiday for two and a half years: eight times in total. The camp kept him busy from sunrise to sunset. The idea was that if Bana was busy he wouldn’t have time to “think homosexual thoughts”. The day would start with one-on-one sessions with the pastor, who asked Bana who had recruited him and if he knew any other queer people, among other questions. The sessions lasted hours. Bana says the pastor would probe and probe, and Bana quickly realised that if he lied and made up names of people and places, he’d get out the sessions faster.
Bana’s sexuality remained unchanged. Research consistently shows that conversion therapy can cause severe psychological damage and that it is not successful at changing a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. It’s been rejected by mainstream medical and mental health professionals for decades.
But because social bias against LGBTQI+ people continues, so does the practice. An investigation by Open Democracy in 2021 found that many clinics in Uganda were offering “anti-gay therapies.”
Bana’s “therapy” ended when he graduated from high school. We’re now 10 years past the experience, and Bana has distanced himself from his family and finds comfort in surrounding himself with people who accept him for who he is. But he still can’t sing. “I associate singing with church abuse, and I have not been able to detach my trauma from music and church generally.”
An independent UN expert called for a global ban on conversion therapy, saying it is wholly unscientific and goes against international human rights law.
But, as Bana explains, Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Act of 2023 has emboldened churches and clinics to continue their anti-LGBTQI+ programmes, despite global criticism. DM
